I’m just so tired of being here. I’m done. My mom and I do not get along. She accuses me of being lazy because I don’t put away the dishes for a few days. Yes, I realize that I can be lazy most of the time. She’s such a fucking hipocrite. She doesn’t even get dressed. She just sits around all day in her robe watching TV. There’s a shit load of boxes that could be unpacked from the move still (Note: We’ve been here 11 months now and she’s still not done unpacking). I would give her a hand but she said when we moved that I packed wrong and from my guess, I’ll probably unpack wrong.
I don’t give a fuck anymore. I’m done. I’m leaving August 6th. I might come back around Christmas for a few days as a surprise but that’s about it. I don’t know how much more I could take. I have to see if it’s cheeper to goto Patty’s for a few days and then take a bus back to Elliot or what?
I just need to get away from her. When she gets mad at you she stays mad for days. She got mad at me randomly and very quickly yesterday and has yet to tell me what it is. I think part of it might be because I’m leaving soon and I keep reminding her that i’m leaving.
I am her only child and she probably going to be very sad after I leave. I should make an effort to spend more time with her but if I stay at the dinner table if we’re not watching TV she gets pissy and she’s like “You don’t have to stay” and when I do she seems to get mad. There’s just no pleasing her sometimes. It’s impossible and it kills sometimes.
I think I’m starting to see why Dad left. Part of the reasons. Problem is is that she’s always going to be my mother. You can leave a wife and get a divorce and get re-married. I’m stuck with the same parents and ya, they may not be the greatest parents in the world, but they’re my parents. I’m a lot better off in that department than most people.
Most children have memories of when they were younger and they’re mom played with them. I have no memories, even when I was older. I’ve always had to beg my mom to play a board game and I just gave up.
Hopefully while I’m gone for a bit, I’ll be able to think about stuff and sort it out for myself. Ya she’ll be on msn, but I don’t know how much I can talk to her on msn seriously. Like during the summer, if I don’t reply right away, she gets mad. She doesn’t seem to realize or doesn’t care, I don’t know which, that I’m talking to my friends on MSN and if I’m at my gmas house, I’m doing like 8 billion things on the computer for her. Sometimes I”m reading something online or whatever. It just sucks cause she gets mad every summer then blocks me for a few days. I just don’t know what to do. It still hurts when she’s mad at me but she holds grudges and I”m just learning not to care. There’s no point anyway. Ya, I know I mess up but I can’t fix it if she doens’t tell me.
I don’t know if we’re going to have a relationship in the future, I really don’t. She likes being alone. She pushed her only friend way, she’s pushing me away, she’s pushed away my father and her 1st husband.
I do to. I”m so like her when I’m mad. I hate it when she does it to me but I do it to my friends. At least I realize that and can fix it. Somtetimes I just overanalyze things and make stuff out of nothing. I’ve lost so many friends like that. I need to change in university. I want close friends. I won’t have Haley there. I’m going to be completely on my own.
Here’s to change, positive change and finding myself in university.
Cheers.
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